Ode to mammograms

Ode to mammograms

A very funny and oh so true ode to mammograms, I especially agree with the last verse! Kindly sent in to realwomen by Carol C. of Oamaru.

For years and years they told me,

” Be careful of your breasts.

Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them

And give them monthly tests.”

So I heeded all their warnings

And protected them by law.

Guarded them very carefully

And always wore a bra.

After 40 years of careful care

The doctor found a lump.

He ordered up a mammogram

To look inside that clump.

“Stand up very close,” she said,

as she got my breast in line.

” And tell me when it hurts,” she said

” Ahh, yes! There! That’s just fine.”

She stepped upon a pedal,

I could not believe my eyes!

A plastic plate was pressing down,

My boob was in a vice!

My skin was stretched and stretched

From way up by my chin.

My poor breast was being squashed

To Swedish Pancake thin!

Excruciating pain I felt,

within it’s vicelike grip.

A prisoner in this vicious thing,

My poor defenceless tit.

” Take a deep breath,” she said to me.

Who does she think she’s kidding?

My chest is smashed in her machine,

I can’t breath and weary I am getting.

” There, that was good,” I heard her say,

As the room was swaying.

” Now let’s get the other one”.

” Lord have mercy,” I was praying.

I had no problem when I came in,

I surely have one now.

If there had been a cyst in there,

It would have popped by now.

This machine was made by man,

Of this I have no doubt!

I’d like to get his balls in there

And listen to him shout!!!!!!!

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